Say we take appearance out of the equation—what determines whether or not a prospective love interest wants to go on a second date?
Alison Wood Brooks, a professor at Harvard Business school, has the answer. By analyzing thousands of speed dating sessions, she and her research team gained insight into the specific behaviors which compel people to create and sustain connections.
Brooks found that asking questions—including follow-ups—is relationship-building magic. I can’t help but think this also holds true for the corporate realm; after all, winning over colleagues and wooing clients isn’t all that different than dating! Whether you’re at the bar or the water cooler, the same rule of thumb applies: ask away.
Careful, though: if you overdo it and ask too many question, it can be off-putting. In some cases, it might even feel invasive. I learned this the hard way as a single guy in my twenties—I was at an Ultimate Frisbee social event, and a woman I was chatting with said to me, “Why don’t you tell me a little bit about yourself; I feel like I’m being interrogated!”
…Ouch.
And so, as with most things, the goal is to strike a balance. Ask questions, listen carefully, ask a few thoughtful follow-ups. Be sure to share a bit about yourself, too. When in doubt, aim to split the available air time evenly. Doing so will help you bring in new clients, earn the good will of your colleagues—and maybe even land that second date.
